Dialog-dialog aneh

Dialog absurd di tengah kota Jakarta . Gak tahu kisah nyata atau bukan. Yang pasti semua ceritanya bersumber dari kiriman email pembaca setia.
Asli buat ngakak..kalo kamu gak ngakak berarti mungkin kamu salah satu objek dalam cerita nguping Jakarta . hahaha...

Duh, bikin puswing kamu!
Cheerleader #1: (menyanyi sendiri) "Swing, swing, swing, swing..."
Cheerleader #2: "Lho itu lagu bukannya kata-katanya 'Dreams' ya?"
Cheerleader #1: "Oh iyah, yah? Kalo 'Swing' itu yang ada di Softex ya?"

SMA ternama Jakarta, didengar oleh pelatih yang merasa gagal mendidik.

Saya baru bisa keluar 3 tahun lagi...
Bapak pengemudi bayar parkir: "Kok loketnya dikasih kerangkeng sih mbak?"
Petugas parkir: "Biar saya nggak kabur..."

Sebuah mall di BSD, didengar oleh keponakan yang mengurungkan niatnya untuk bekerja di Jakarta .

Bis sekarang teladan...
Cewe baru belajar nyetir: "Gua itu paling males nyetir di belakang bis, tau sendiri kan bis suka ontime nunggu penumpang... "

Kelapa Gading, didengar oleh saudara yang malas menjelaskan perbedaan besar "ontime" dan "ngetem".

Ini salah jari atau otak ya?
Lelaki sibuk di handphone: "Halo X, gua telepon ke nomor satunya ya (tutup) Halo... (mulai ngomong panjang lebar)... Lho? Ini siapa? Oh sorry, salah sambung! (memencet nomor lagi) Halo Y, loe gimana sih, ngasih nomer X ke gua kok salah sih! Gimana sih loe? (diam sesaat) Lho? Ini bukan Y ya? Sorry salah sambung..."

Bank Swasta Pondok Indah, didengar oleh istri yang langsung tambah asik membaca email di BlackBerry-nya.

Itu beda lho...
Pengunjung: "Mbak, Coke-nya satu ya, pake es..."
Pelayan: "Maaf Mbak, Coke-nya gak ada, adanya Diet Coke."
Pengunjung: (Menunjuk menu) "Terus ini apa, Coca-Cola... Kok dibilang gak ada?"
Pelayan: "Kalau Coca-Cola ada, Mbak..."
Pengunjung: "Huh!"

Cafe di FX, didengar oleh satu meja yang bersepakat menyuruh pelayan training ulang.

Wah, udah lama gak merhatiin dia...
Ibu mengejek anak kecil bersepeda: "Ih, lihat tuh, badan segede gitu kok masa naik sepeda sekecil itu, hahaha... (sesaat kemudian)... Lah, itu anakku!"

Perumahan di Jakarta, didengar oleh teman yang langsung terbahak-bahak.

Ya namanya juga bajakan...
Saat nonton DVD,
Calon mahasiswa S1 FasilKom: "Oi itu jangan lupa kemsyen-nya. ."
Teman #1: "Kemsyen apaan sih?"
Calon mahasiswa S1 FasilKom: "Itu kemsyen... kemsyen, masa gitu aja ga tau sih?"
Teman #2: (mencari fasilitas "kemsyen" di menu) "Gak ada ah..."
Calon mahasiswa S1 FasilKom: "Itu lho, kemsyen en subtitiles.. ."

Apartemen daerah Kemanggisan, didengar oleh semua teman yang ingin mengumpulkan dana buat les bahasa inggris.

AC/DC gityuuu looooh...
Ketua Panitia: "Naahh.. pin yang ini desainnya bagus nih. Bisa buat cewek dan cowok. Biseks gitu!"

Rapat Buka Bersama, didengar oleh sepasukan panitia yang merasa si ketua terlalu banyak nonton porno.

Yang enak tuh lambaaaat dan merata.
Dua cewe sedang berbagi resep,
Cewe #1: "Emang kalo cepet-cepet jadinya gak enak, ya?"
Cewe #2: "Iya, ngocoknya mesti rata makanya."

Didengar oleh seseorang yang langsung berharap jadi adonan.

Buah simalakama.. .
Ibu pengemudi yang tiba-tiba panik: "De, pegangin setirnya. Mama mau garuk pantat!"
Anak laki-laki berusia 18 tahun: "Ah, Mama! Gak mau ah!"
Ibu pengemudi yang tiba-tiba panik: "Kamu mendingan megangin setir apa garukin pantat Mama?"

Tol Jagorawi, didengar anak perempuan di belakang yang ingin melompat keluar mobil.

Maksudnya dia suka aku, Ma?
Seorang ibu kepada anaknya: "Sst! Jangan nangis! Ntar kamu ditembak pak satpam lho!"

Pertokoan di Jakarta, didengar oleh seseorang yang percaya kekerasan tidak akan menyelesaikan masalah.

Lengkap banget deh...
Pelayan: "Minumnya, mbak?"
Teman #1: "Teh tawar anget"
Teman #2: "Saya... Teh manis anget"
Pelayan: "Hot tea... dan sweet ice tea hot" (tampang pede dan nyatet)

Sebuah resto di Plasa Senayan, didengar oleh 2 orang teman yang mesem-mesem dan segera membenarkan ucapan pelayan tersebut.

Untung dia bukan penjaga Quality Control...
Anak kecil di telepon: "Halo... oh mas X sialan!... iya, dia kan penyial...

Didengar oleh seseorang yang hampir membanting handphone-nya.

Jadi selama ini masih ada yang lain?
Ibu menasehati anak perempuan semata wayang: "Nduk, waktu ibu punya anak perempuan seusiamu..."

Didengar oleh kakak lelaki yang langsung berpikir apakah dia punya saudara kandung lain.

Sehat bener ya, jaringannya. ..
Programmer 1: "Kemaren internet gua udah onlen, cuy"
Programmer 2: "Wah selamat-selamat, download pelm lah kita, gak perlu nonton serial di tipi!"
Coordinator: " Gaya bener lo pada, mentang-mentang udah pada pasang internet bearbrand... "

Sebuah warung makan, didengar oleh teman-teman yang langsung bergulingan.

Emangnya gua badak?
Cewe mau ikut kursus: "Mbak, kalo disini ada kelas conservation gak?"

Didengar oleh Student Advisor yang berasa di LSM.

Saya menghormati sejarah...
Account Executive: "Baik, kalau begitu kita meeting lagi Senin tanggal 20..."
Klien Besar: "Tanggal 20 itu hari Sabtu. Kita meeting Senin tanggal 22."
Account Executive: "Tapi tanggal 22 itu hari Rabu. (diam sesaat) Ups, my mistake, ini kalender tahun lalu."

Didengar oleh semua kolega yang ingin membungkus AE itu dan mengirimnya ke Timbuktu .

I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy...
Klien Besar: "Ya sudah, besok kita meeting lagi ya..."
Account Executive: "Wah, bu, besok tidak bisa, kami ada janji dengan klien lain."
Klien Besar: (memandang sinis) "I am not your client... I am your god."

Perkantoran di Gatot Subroto, didengar oleh seluruh tim agensi yang langsung menyatu dengan kursi masing-masing.

Kami perlu yang representatif. ..
Brand Manager: "Hmmm, bagus, visual-nya bagus. Sayang copywriternya jelek."
Copywriter: "MAKSUD LOE?"

Didengar oleh Creative Director yang langsung menawarkan mengganti copywriter sambil terbahak.

Yang pasti bisa buat nyelem...
Lelaki di toko kacamata: "Yang itu dong, Mbak... Liat..."
Pramuniaga: "Nah yang ini keren, Mas... Bahannya juga bagus, Titanic..."

Optik di Mangga Dua, didengar oleh pengunjung yang ingin mendorong pramuniaga ke laut.

Makanannya seru deh!
Cowo: "Kemaren gua sama cewe gua buka puasa di PS 2..."

Didengar oleh semua teman yang merasa cowo itu terlalu banyak main game.

Jaman susah sih...
Pada saat telepon gratis dua detik pertama,
Cowo Hemat: "Kamu dimana? (tutup) Apa? (tutup) Pulang... (tutup) PULANG! (tutup) Aku bilang kamu pula... Ah, goblok lebih dari dua detik!" (tutup)

Didengar oleh teman yang ingin merebut dan merebus handphone itu.

Jangan terlalu mateng ya!
Pria duduk dan langsung berteriak memesan: "Mas, Ovaltine bakar satu!"

Warung Tenda Jakarta, didengar oleh seseorang yang hampir jatuh dari kursinya.

Yang horisontal kalau bisa!
Di sebuah restoran,
Teman #1: "Eh udahan yuk, kite cabs.."
Teman #2: "Gua aja yang panggilin.. Mas! Billboardnya ya!

Restoran di Jakarta, didengar oleh banyak orang yang merasa kasihan dengan pelayannya

Menurut sejarah, gak baik loncat-loncat. ..
Ditengah sebuah konser,
Wanita Bingung: "Waduh... Minggir, minggir, kacamata saya jatuh... Awas jangan diinjak!"
Lelaki Baik: "Kenapa mbak, kenapa?"
Wanita Bingung: "Ini mas, kacamata saya jatuh, duh gimana ya?"
Lelaki Baik: "Sini saya bantu cariin. Wah si mbak nih, makanya lompatnya pelan-pelan, jangan terlalu histori..."
Wanita Bingung: "Histori?"

Senayan, didengar oleh penonton lain yang tiba-tiba tidak bisa loncat lagi.

Kalo nyapa yang bener dong... HUH!
Penjaga Toko: "Silahkan kak, Giordano..."
Lelaki Gemulai Nan Jutek: (Menatap sinis) "Sorry! Nama gua bukan Giordano!"

EX, didengar oleh teman-temannya yang langsung berteriak "Apaan sih tcooooong!"

Ini yang salah ngerti siapa ya?
Pria: "Mbak, pesen es teh manis..."
Pelayan: "Es-nya habis mas..."
Pria: "Ya udah, es teh tawar..."
Pelayan: "Iya, mas..."

Restoran di Jakarta, didengar oleh pengunjung lain yang berpikir cara buat es...

Ternyata bukan dongeng anak...
Istri: "Itu loh, yang badannya pendek-pendek. .."
Suami: "Apaan?"
Istri: "Yang tokoh fairy tale..."
Suami: "Ha, yang mana sih?"
Istri: "Yang punya jenggot..."
Suami: "Yang mana sih...?"
Istri: "Itu lho, yang Snow White dan 7 Mucikari!"

Didengar oleh teman yang hampir berguling-guling.

Maksud gua buat naruh barang!
Mahasiswa S2 mengomel: "Heran gua, hotel sebesar ini gak ada ballroom-nya! "
Teman: "Emang loe mau ngapain, resepsi?"
Mahasiswa S2: "Mau minta koper gua dibawain ke kamar nih!"
Teman: "Bellboy kaleeeee!"

Hotel bintang lima di Kebon Sirih, didengar oleh semua teman gaulnya yang memaklumi mahasiswa yang baru saja tidak lulus TOEFL.

Eh tapi asik kali yeee...
Anak SMP #1: "Setdah, masa tadi kelasan gua selang-seling gitu duduknya..."
Anak SMP #2: "Ya elah, kesian bet kelas luh!"
Anak SMP #1: "Iye, ntar bukannye belajar, malah pade bercinta!"

Angkot di pinggiran Jakarta, didengar oleh penumpang yang menuduh sinetron sebagai sumber kebodohan bangsa.

Gak usah pake mangkok aja!
Nyonya: "Mbak, tolong beliin bakso di ujung jalan sana ya, beli empat bungkus, dua campur pake mie, dua baksonya aja..."
PRT Baru: "Yang baksonya aja pake kuah gak, bu?"

Jakarta , didengar oleh seseorang yang tertawa gila-gilaan.

Dulu di percetakan ya, mas?
Penjaga Parkir: "Wah mas, stiker parkir langganannya udah exemplar nih, besok diperpanjang ya."

Perkantoran Sudirman, didengar oleh pengemudi yang akhirnya sadar ada tulisan EXP di stikernya.

Pengetahuanmu luas, nak...
Mahasiswa #1: "Eh, lo demen Mocca gak?"
Mahasiswa #2: (berpikir sebentar) "Halal gak?"
Mahasiswa #1: "Ya elah, bukan mocca minuman, tapi Mocca band!"
Mahasiswa #2: (dengan begitu PD) "Ah, kalo band-band luar negeri gitu gua nggak demen..."

Jakarta , didengar oleh seseorang yang memejamkan mata dan berteriak dalam hati.

Belum, lagi jelek koneksinya.
Researcher: "Eh pensil gua kemana ya?"
Researcher Khusyuk Internetan: "Kenapa loe?"
Researcher: "Pensil gua ilang! Loe tau gak dimana? Udah gua cari kemana-mana nih! Mana sih ya?
Researcher Khusyuk Internetan: "Udah loe cari di google belum?"

R&D Jakarta, didengar oleh satu divisi yang merasa salah satu dari mereka kena penyakit internetan akut.

Kalo bisa yang triple L!
Ibu #1: "Saya yang well-done ya."
Pelayan: "Baik, bu. (Ke ibu lainnya) Ibu steaknya mau gimana?"
Ibu #2: "Maksudnya mas?"
Pelayan: "Mau yang medium atau..."
Ibu #2: (Memotong dengan mantap) "Ooooh, saya yang large aja, mas!"

Restoran Steak di Jakarta Selatan, didengar oleh ibu lain yang merasa harus membenahi make-up tiba-tiba.

Makanya perhatian dong!
Si Pemimpi: "Gua pengen bikin bagasi gua jadi home theater deh."
Si Serius: "Hah, gimana caranya?"
Si Pemimpi: "Ya nanti gua mau tambahin (mulai penjelasan teknis)."
Si Serius: "Home theater portabel gitu?"
Si Pemimpi: "Ya nggak lah, gimana caranya loe bawa-bawa bagasi?"
Si Serius: "Ya ditenteng gitu? Eh, maksud loe bagasi apa nih?"
Si Pemimpi: "Ya itulah! Yang tempat parkir mobil... Masa loe gak tau sih?"
Si Serius: "Euh, itu kayaknya garasi kali!"

Reuni alumni di Jakarta, didengar oleh seseorang yang langsung harus ke kamar kecil.

Ah, jangan buka rahasia dong...
Tukang Sate: "Masnya apa nih?"
Mahasiswa Tegas: "Gua kambing! (ke temannya) Loe?"
Mahasiswa gemulai: "Aku ayam..."

Pondok Sate di Jakarta Barat, didengar oleh mahasiswi yang merasa mendengar pengakuan.

Yang penting kan tata krama!
Pembeli Santun ke Penjual Sop Kaki: "Daging tiga sama kaki dua, udah itu aja. Eh, kakinya yang kanan ya!" (Semua pengunjung tertegun)
Penjual Sop Kaki: "Mmmm, kenapa harus yang kanan, Pak?"
Pembeli Santun: "Yaaa, biar lebih sopan aja... Kakinya yang kanan gituuu!"

Tenda Sop Kaki Kambing di Tebet, didengar semua pengunjung yang hampir tersedak.

Otomatis ya, mbak?
Kasir: "Mau order apa, mas?"
Pembeli: "Coca-Cola large satu, sama french fries satu... Itu aja, mbak."
Kasir: "Oke, saya ulang ya, Coca-Cola large satu, french fries large satu. Mau tambah kentang gorengnya, mas?"

Restoran fastfood di Jakarta, didengar oleh pembeli yang merasa dicekokin.

Abis Bapak selalu pengen gabungin semua alternatif sih!
Account Director ke klien: "Tapi pak hal itu sulat dilakukan! (hening) Euh, saya mau milih antara sulit dan sukar malah keluar dua-duanya."

Kantor di Gatot Subroto, didengar oleh kolega yang diam-diam melipir.

Ini pasti artinya tentang teknologi...
Webmaster: "Gile, website bikinan orang-orang latin keren banget yah!"
Webdesigner: "Hah, tau dari mana loe itu buatan orang latin?"
Webmaster: "Itu ada tulisannya: Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit..."

Sebuah kantor di Palmerah, didengar oleh webdeveloper yang langsung ngakak tak terkendali.

Saya kan gak pernah ngerti dunia itu!
Pejabat: "Selamat sore, hari ini adalah hari yang bahagia karena kita menjadi tuan rumah untuk event internasional yaitu Festival Seni Koremponter. ..."
(Seluruh hadirin tertawa)
Pejabat: "Maksud saya Korentomper. .."
Tamu Gemas: "Kontemporer, pak!"
Pejabat: "Ya harap maklum, saya kan bukan seniman!"

Galeri Nasional Jakarta, didengar oleh hadirin yang langsung mengeluarkan palu dan pahat.

Ini tindak lanjut yang penuh cinta!
Reporter: "Pak, bagaimana perkembangan kasus korupsi X, apakah ada tindak lanjut dari instansi bapak, seperti pemberian sanksi ?"
Pejabat: "Sejauh ini masih kita pantau dulu, hal ini sedang dibicarakan bagaimana2nya"
Reporter: "Apakah justru ini melibatkan orang dalam pak?"
Pejabat: "Loh, anda tidak boleh sembarangan begitu... Kita harus lihat situasi ini kiss per kiss nya..."
Reporter: "Maksud bapak case by case ?"
Pejabat: (malu) "Iyalah gitu."

Kantor Kepemerintahan, didengar oleh kameraman yang menutup mulutnya takut dicium...

Kan lulusan S3 Ilmu Angkotan!
Pengendara Motor Gak Sabar: "Maju dong! Dasar Bego!"
Supir Angkot Intelektual: "Kalo gua bego, gua gak bakal jadi supir angkot tau!"

Di bawah flyover Depok, didengar oleh penumpang angkot yang tiba-tiba mempertanyakan pendidikan yang dia jalani selama ini.

Gak mau tawar aja?
Mahasiswa Genit ke penjual kantin yang cantik: "Mau es teh... manis."

Kantin kampus Jakarta, didengar oleh teman yang tiba-tiba sok belajar buat UAS.

Si Pitung ada gak, Beh?
Penonton Berisik: "Naaah, nyang itu no Neo namenye, si Neo, Neo..."
Adegan di Layar: "Hello, Mr. Anderson..."
Penonton Berisik: ""Eh bukan ding, bukan Neo... itu Mr. Anderson namanya!"

Bioskop pinggiran Jakarta Timur, didengar oleh penonton di depan yang memilih antara tertawa atau melempar popcorn.

Ortu Teladan

Sang ayah dan ibu sangat murka ketika mengetahui anak perempuan mereka
hamil.
"Siapa si bedebah itu," jerit sang ayah sambil membanting benda benda
yang ada, sedang si ibu menangis.
"Suruh dia datang kesini!"
Si anak pun dengan wajah ketakutan menelepon pria yang menghamilinya.

Setengah jam kemudian sebuah mobil *Ferrari merah* berhenti di depan rumah.
Seorang lelaki separuh baya keluar dari mobil, memberi salam lalu masuk
ke rumah. Lelaki itu berhadapan dengan ibu dan ayah perempuan yang telah
dihamilinya.

Dia berkata, "Bapak, Ibu Sayalah lelaki yang telah menghamili anak anda.
Tapi terus terang saya katakan saya tidak dapat menikahi anak anda
karena isteri saya tak mengizinkan.

Namun bagaimanapun, saya akan bertanggung jawab. Sekiranya anak anda
melahirkan seorang bayi perempuan saya akan wasiatkan untuknya *dua buah
supermarket, sebuah hotel dan uang tunai 5 milyar rupiah.*

Sekiranya dia melahirkan anak lelaki saya akan wasiatkan untuknya *dua
buah pabrik, dua buah supermarket, dua buah hotel dan uang tunai 10
milyar rupiah.* Tapi sekiranya anak anda keguguran apakah yang harus
saya lakukan?"

Sang ayah berfikir.

Si ibu berhenti menangis.

Akhirnya sambil menepuk bahu lelaki setengah baya itu itu, sang ayah
berkata :

**"Kalau keguguran, kamu coba lagi ya......... !!"**

Inside You Lies Greatness

Author Name: Paul Bauer
Contact Email Address: kelly@...
Word Count: 174
Category: self-improvement
Copyright Date: 2000
Internet Address (If Available): http://www.dreamsalive.com/wisdom17.htm
Autoresponder Address (If Available): insideyou@...
Special Requirements For Reprint: The article below may be reprinted as long as
the bio at the end remains intact. NOTE: If you are currently a Dream-Minder
affiliate, you may replace the URL in the bio below with your affiliate link.

Inside You Lies Greatness
By Paul Bauer

In each of you, there is a seed...
A seed of vast potential
A place beyond the ego mind
A place so rich and fertile
that you can smell its rich fragrance
like after a cool summer rain
You can feel this pulse of life
as it pulses through you

This infinite part of you knows
like a beacon in the night
It guides you on your journey...
back home...
back...to the Real You

This greatness requires just one thing
..your awareness

Awareness through your breath
Noticing in each moment
how precious life really is...

And how precious You really are
For you are its Source
and It is your beginning...

You now stand at the crossroads...
A crossroads of your old self
and the Real you

Embrace this moment
Embrace yourself as the creator in your life
This is your essence
Breathe it in...
Let it flow...
Let it just Be...

And so it is....

(written in Hawaii October 1999 during our Living From Vision Retreat)

Paul Bauer is the creator of Dream-Minder, software that "Frees Your Mind and
Lifts Your Spirit." If you would like to learn about software that helps you
live the wisdom that you've just read, visit
http://www.dreamsalive.com/dresof.htm.

--------------------------------------------------------------------
Mail2Web - Check your email from the web at
http://www.mail2web.com/ .

Integrity

Author Name: Paul Bauer
Contact Email Address: kelly@...
Word Count: 773
Category: self-improvement
Copyright Date: 2000
Internet Address (If Available): http://www.dreamsalive.com/wisdom16.htm
Autoresponder Address (If Available): bauerintegrity@...
Special Requirements For Reprint: The article below may be reprinted as long as
the bio at the end remains intact. NOTE: If you are currently a Dream-Minder
affiliate, you may replace the URL in the bio below with your affiliate link.

Integrity
By Paul Bauer

Last night, I saw a powerful new movie called The Insider. It's about a man who
risked everything to tell the truth because he knew it was the right thing to
do. If you want a refreshing lesson on why being true to our nature is
important, please see this movie!

How often are you faced with the option of speaking your Truth or backing down
and "being a nice person?" When you see this movie, you'll think twice about the
next time you're in a situation that requires you to do the right thing. Not the
popular thing, not the easy way out, but having integrity within yourself and
honoring this value.

Integrity can mean many things, but at its root, Integrity means the quality of
being complete or unbroken - wholeness. The power of this movie is that the
central character is forced to make a decision - a difficult decision that could
break anyone, to sign a confidentiality agreement that states he will not
divulge any information to anyone about his work at Brown & Williamson Tobacco
Company. One of many companies that have been contributing to hundreds of
thousands of people dying from lung cancer and related illness each year! (This
is a TRUE story.)

The main character, Wiegand, is forced to struggle between telling the truth - a
truth that could save thousands of lives - or remaining quiet. If he remains
quiet, thousands WILL die. If he tells the truth, he risks being imprisoned for
breaking the confidentiality agreement (which is enforceable by law), losing his
severance package and benefits (the golden handcuff) and unexpectedly, his
marriage.

In this apparent no-win scenario, he decides to honor his integrity and tell the
truth - no matter what the consequences are. He sees that remaining quiet would
not only break his own integrity, but add to the already long list of atrocities
put on the American public by the tobacco industry.

What difference does this make to Me, Paul?
Many people go through their daily lives and are faced with honoring themselves
or someone else they think rules their lives. When given this choice, ask
yourself "What's the right thing to do in this situation?" The thing that when
you go to sleep at night you can say to yourself "I did the right thing."

There's an old quote that Abraham Maslow taught Wayne Dyer and it says: "Learn
to be free of the good opinion of others."

Let's take this lesson one step further....Learn to be free of the good opinion
of your own ego.

I have a question.
Are you willing to listen to your Heart and intuition and be true to yourself,
even when it hurts? Are you willing to do the unpopular thing especially when
it's needed? Do you now work for a company that routinely rapes the land with
pollution, or for a drug company that uses animals for testing and even worse
uses humans as guinea pigs? Does this sound too opinionated? Only to those
unwilling to really look at what is needed to honor our Earth, our children,
ourselves.

Have you ever considered the consequences of your decisions? Do you purchase
toxic products from companies like Monsanto (maker of Nutrasweet - a known toxic
compound that slowly poisons the body - and they are now trying to "bioengineer"
crops such as corn, soybeans, etc. that create dangerous side effects)? Do you
smoke? Do you allow your children to watch violence on TV thinking "Oh, they'll
get over it?"

Every seed we sow grows, so we need to be aware - fully conscious of what we are
planting in our own minds and the minds of those who you influence.

What can I do today to have more integrity?
Sit for a moment, and ask yourself:
Why am I here?
What am I here to do?
How can I best use my creative talents and speak my Truth?
How can I honor my intuition - my Heart - and honor this sacred Earth I live on
- to help protect it for my children?

As you go about your daily life, listen to your Heart, remember that integrity
means the state of being complete, connected to your own self. What can you do
as you are reading this, that will honor your own integrity?

Ask yourself: What do I need to be truthful about that will honor myself and
free up energy within me?

Listen and trust...

The rest is but mere details...

May the warm sun of your imagination flow easily, effortlessly as you make your
Dreams real...

Paul Bauer is the creator of Dream-Minder, software that "Frees Your Mind and
Lifts Your Spirit." If you would like to learn about software that helps you
live the wisdom that you've just read, visit
http://www.dreamsalive.com/dresof.htm.

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Intuition - How to Develop, Listen To and Trust Your Most Valuable Resource

Author Name: Paul Bauer
Contact Email Address: kelly@...
Word Count: 709
Category: self-improvement
Copyright Date: 2000
Internet Address (If Available): http://www.dreamsalive.com/wisdom12.htm
Autoresponder Address (If Available): intuition@...
Special Requirements For Reprint: The article below may be reprinted as long as
the bio at the end remains intact. NOTE: If you are currently a Dream-Minder
affiliate, you may replace the URL in the bio below with your affiliate link.

How to Develop, Listen To, and Trust
Your Most Valuable Resource
By Paul Bauer

I have a special Wisdom of the Week to share with you today. It's about your
unique gift of intuition. A gift so special, it's a wonder why more people don't
hear it and use it to fuel their Dreams and Vision in life.

Your intuition has incredible power to "see" and "hear" and "feel" beyond your
normal 5 senses' abilities. What I mean is that your hunches, those little
messages that we all receive, have incredible ability to fuel our Life's Dreams
and help us move beyond our so-called limitations.

Your intuition is more than just a random voice that speaks every
once-in-a-while. In fact, it has the power to help you notice what is most
important in your life and how to go about nurturing and honoring the God-given
talents and strengths that are within you.

On May 19th, 1999, something wonderful happened. An important movie for kids of
all ages premiered. It was made by a man who is living his Dream. He was
recently interviewed on 60 Minutes. In essence, he's a kid in an adult body
living his boyhood Dream. His movies have grossed over 1 Billion dollars and
this summer he'll again be at the top of the film-making world. But, more
importantly, his vision will be seen by thousands of young children who will
receive at least two messages:

1) Dare to Dream
2) Anyone can create their Life's Dreams if they have the courage to listen to
their Heart and act upon their intuition - their Dream in Life

The man I'm speaking about is George Lucas. The man that created Star Wars - a
visionary to say the least. Do you think that he could have created anything
without first listening to his inner voice? How many of us have a story within
us that we would love to tell, but are fearful of writing it or sharing it?

Can you imagine if George Lucas allowed fear to rule his life? Can you imagine
how different the movie experience would be without George Lucas having the
courage to act on his intuition and share his vision with the world? Can you
imagine the thousands of children who would miss the epic story of good and evil
and how the Force runs through all of us?

How can you listen to your intuition today? How can you act upon this voice
within you? How can you give this creative force within you a means to express
itself?

Are you willing? Are you prepared? Are you willing to surrender your ego for
just a short while and have the courage to begin Your Dream?

I challenge you now, my friend, as you read this...take out a sheet of paper and
write down this question.

What IS my Life's Dream?

Take a deep breath and relax...give yourself all the time you need...

What would you LOVE to do, but fear doing...?

And listen...

Whatever comes to you, write it down - no matter how "silly" or "weird" it may
be. Keep in mind that great ideas have started this same way!

Put a date on this piece of paper, because in 6 months or a year from now,
you'll be able to look back and say to yourself - "That's when I began my Dream!
That's the day that changed my life - because I decided to begin living it!

After you've written down your Dream, then write down:

What could I do beginning today to energize my Dream?
Who do I need to contact that could help me with developing my Vision?

Keep in mind that masterpieces take time. Anything worth creating will take more
than just one day - but after you've begun to energize your Dream - something
magical will begin to occur - it will begin to energize you! Instead of taking
more energy, it will give you more!

Let today mark the beginning of allowing your Life's Dream to become real. Trust
your hunches - your gut feelings, and realize the power of this quiet but
trusted friend.

May the warm sun of your imagination flow easily, effortlessly as you make your
Dreams real...

Paul Bauer is the creator of Dream-Minder, software that "Frees Your Mind and
Lifts Your Spirit." If you would like to learn about software that helps you
live the wisdom that you've just read, visit
http://www.dreamsalive.com/dresof.htm.

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The Force Within You

Author Name: Paul Bauer
Contact Email Address: kelly@...
Word Count: 668
Category: self-improvement
Copyright Date: 2000
Internet Address (If Available): http://www.dreamsalive.com/wisdom15.htm
Autoresponder Address (If Available): forcewithin@...
Special Requirements For Reprint: The article below may be reprinted as long as
the bio at the end remains intact. NOTE: If you are currently a Dream-Minder
affiliate, you may replace the URL in the bio below with your affiliate link.

The Force Within You
By Paul Bauer

There is a special Force within all of us - within You, my friend. A Force so
powerful that many who abuse it lose control of their lives and fall to the
darkside. The dark side full of ego, fear, anger and hatred and greed.

But you have a quality, a special quality within you that can create miracles
and masterpieces. This Force Within You is so powerful that you can re-direct
the course of history when you decide that you want to contribute to the
evolution of humanity and this beautiful but fragile planet. Study the great
sages and saints who have walked this earth before us and you will notice a
common theme that runs through all of them: reverence for Life and Nature.

This magnificent Force within all of us has been used to free slaves, save
thousands of lives, enable children to realize their inner potential, and help
people like You realize thier lifelong Dreams. If you choose to use this Force
wisely, you will alter your destiny and the people around you in your world.

What is The Force?
The Force is the God power (or Creator) that runs through all things. It is the
Life Force that makes the rivers run, the flowers bloom, the stars twinkle and
the Heart beat its rhythm of life. When you stop to consider all the things that
go on without our conscious awareness or intervention, you'll have a sense of
just how powerful this Force really is. You can also learn how to channel this
Force to your benefit.

How can I use the Force?
Great question. Like any skill or discipline, learning the art of The Force
takes great patience and time to master. Think about any great teacher or mentor
that you've had and you'll notice that almost all are over 50 years old. The
reason for this is that it takes time and practice to "see through" the normal
veils that society teaches people. It can take years to learn the art of
quieting your mind - the first and most vital step in mastering the Force.

The good news is if you have the courage to turn off the noise, the media, and
the opinions of other people, the time it takes you to more fully tap this force
within you will dramatically decrease. If, on the other hand, you choose to
depend on others for your spiritual or emotional sustenance, it could take you a
lifetime to learn the simplicity that runs through all life.

As you learn to quiet your mind, you will begin to notice things that you've
never noticed before. Life will begin to take on a new meaning, a new depth and
joy.

Why is quieting my mind so important?
Because what you focus on determines what you create - your reality. So, if your
mind is a whirlwind of anxiety and unrest, you will create a world of anxiety
and unrest. But take the time to slow down, and you'll begin to notice how your
anxieties lessen, your breathing becomes slower, your mind and body calmer, and
you begin to feel centered again. With a quiet mind, you will form the
foundation for building the life of your Dreams. When your mind is overactive,
you literally send out waves of doubt, fear and uncertainty that can undermine
your health, well-being, and prosperity.

But, when you take the time to slow down, you'll begin to create more with less
effort, and in time even less effort than you ever thought imaginable - no
matter what the intention - assuming it aligns with your higher self and your
truest desires.

How can I learn more about the Force?
Read The Power of Myth by Joseph Campbell
See any of The Star Wars Films
Study any Mentor or Sage that you feel a resonance with

May the warm sun of your imagination flow easily, effortlessly as you make your
Dreams real...

Paul Bauer is the creator of Dream-Minder, software that "Frees Your Mind and
Lifts Your Spirit." If you would like to learn about software that helps you
live the wisdom that you've just read, visit
http://www.dreamsalive.com/dresof.htm.

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The Importance of Your Dream

Author Name: Paul Bauer
Contact Email Address: kelly@...
Word Count: 488
Category: self-improvement
Copyright Date: 2000
Internet Address (If Available): http://www.dreamsalive.com/wisdom5.htm
Autoresponder Address (If Available): importanceofdreams@...
Special Requirements For Reprint: The article below may be reprinted as long as
the bio at the end remains intact. NOTE: If you are currently a Dream-Minder
affiliate, you may replace the URL in the bio below with your affiliate link.

The Importance of Your Dream
By Paul Bauer

A visitor to our site asks, "Why is it important to have a Dream? I’m used to
setting goals and 'just doing it.'

Great question!! There’s a famous quote that reads "Dreams are the songs of your
heart, the children of your soul." We have seen many people who have spent their
entire lives in pursuit of money, power, fame, and more trappings of the
conscious mind and ego. It’s interesting to notice that many of these people
despite their material wealth are spiritually bankrupt. In this generation, we
are beginning to be aware that pursuing goals for their own sake is like
idolizing someone that you seek wisdom from instead of allowing their wisdom to
inspire you to your fullest potential - to your greatest heights.

Your Dreams - your waking Dreams, are important because they come from your
creative Self. When you realize your Dream - and begin to embrace it and live
it, my friend, your life will transform in such a way that you will wonder how
you could have lived your life in any other way. Your Dreams come from your
Heart - and your Spirit speaks through your Heart. Infinite Intelligence (or
God) is readily available to you when you decide to live your Dream.

Q. "What if I don't know what my Dream is?"
A. There are many ways of discovering or as I prefer to put it "re-discovering"
your Dream. I say "re-discover" because you already know deep inside what your
Dream is. All you need to do is ask and It will present itself. First, write
down the things you love to do. Ask yourself, If I could do anything in this
world, what would it be? Another way of asking would be "If you were given a
million dollars today, would you continue your current job?" What would you
choose to do? As you ponder what your Dream is, place your hand on your Heart
and sense what your Heart is trying to tell you. Close your eyes and listen to
your own wisdom. Know that you are part of Infinite Intelligence, the Source.
Feel your life Source flow through you.

Q. "Do my waking Dreams differ from my dreams when I sleep?"
A. They are very closely related. Both come from your unconscious - your
creative Self. This part of you knows no limitations, no boundaries and can give
you effortless ideas and inspiration when you need it most.

Know this - setting goals and accomplishing them are a left-brained analytical
activity. Being in touch with your Dream and who you really are will give you
more fulfillment than all the goal setting and accomplishment in the world could
give you. When you realize this difference, your perceptions of what life offers
you and what you have to offer life will profoundly shift. Use this wisdom in
your life...

Paul Bauer is the creator of Dream-Minder, software that "Frees Your Mind and
Lifts Your Spirit." If you would like to learn about software that helps you
live the wisdom that you've just read, visit
http://www.dreamsalive.com/dresof.htm.

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Sailing Through the Storm

Author Name: Paul Bauer
Contact Email Address: kelly@...
Word Count: 394
Category: self-improvement
Copyright Date: 2000
Internet Address (If Available): http://www.dreamsalive.com/wisdom10.htm
Autoresponder Address (If Available): sailing@...
Special Requirements For Reprint: The article below may be reprinted as long as
the bio at the end remains intact. NOTE: If you are currently a Dream-Minder
affiliate, you may replace the URL in the bio below with your affiliate link.

Sailing Through the Storm
Practical Ideas That You Can Use Today to Make Your Dreams Real
By Paul Bauer

We've all had days or weeks when nothing seems to go right for us, or at least
this is how our ego reacts to these events The significance of this lesson is
crucial in our ability to grow and manifest the results we desire in our lives.

Sailing through the storm means that you know events do not control your life.
As Napolean Hill once said, "God has given us control over one thing in our
lives - our thoughts." How do we use this wisdom?

Begin by asking yourself, "If this event or decision went smoothly, how would I
react?" As you begin to notice your reactions, consider how just shifting your
attention concerning the result actually makes you feel different.

Sailing through the storm means that you are not at the mercy of what others say
or think. The famous psychologist Abraham Maslow once said: "Learn to be free of
the good opinion of others." Think about this just for a moment. If you can be
free of the good opinion of others, just think - when they offer their "bad"
opinion to you, you can choose not to accept it.

Now, let's take this concept one step further. You can be free of the good
opinion of others, which is a major step, ahh, but what if you could be free of
the good opinion of your own ego? Now, that my friend is freedom!

Paul, what do you mean, be free of the good opinion of your own ego? How do I do
this?

Just sit back and notice your thoughts and reactions to your thoughts. Good or
bad. The more you train your mind to be aware of your thoughts (especially those
seemingly most difficult times when you are mentally and physically fatigued),
the more you gain strength. As the famous philosopher and author Vernon Howard
once wrote: "The very act of noticing is a state of strength in itself."

Sit back and notice your thoughts for just 10 minutes. Let nothing else distract
you. Breathe deeply and remind yourself that you are the thinker of your
thoughts, not the thoughts themselves. Relax, breathe deeply...

May the warm sun of your imagination flow easily, effortlessly as your Dreams
become real...

Paul Bauer is the creator of Dream-Minder, software that "Frees Your Mind and
Lifts Your Spirit." If you would like to learn about software that helps you
live the wisdom that you've just read, visit
http://www.dreamsalive.com/dresof.htm.

--------------------------------------------------------------------
Mail2Web - Check your email from the web at
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Jenis dan Macam-Macam Jomblo

Jomblo Sejati
Jomblo yang satu ini murni belum pernah pacaran, belum mengerti tentang cinta, fokus pikirannya hanya belajar dan belum pernah naksir siapa siapa. Ciri-cirinya : Kacamata tebal, penampilan tidak terjaga, fashion berantakan dan sering keliatan korek upil didepan umum.


Jomblo Sniper
Jomblo yang ini belum pernah pacaran tetapi sudah ada yang sejak lama ditaksirnya hanya saja blom berani nembak sampe sekarang. Ciri-cirinya : Sering tidak keliatan di tempat umum karena kurang PD dan nyali, sering mangkal ditempat tempat sepi, kadang membawa teropong untuk mengintai dan terlihat membawa banyak karet gelang untuk nembak cicak didinding.


Jomblo Negatif
Yang satu ini baru jadi jomblo setelah dipecat (dibaca:ditinggal/diputusin) oleh pacarnya dan berada dalam suasana sedih, desprated, dikecewakan, tidak bisa terima kenyataan dan membenci yang namanya cinta. Ciri-cirinya : Gampang sirik, sering kesel, bad mood, emosional dan membenci film film berbau romantis. So bagi yang lagi mesra mesra nya mohon hindari jomblo yang satu ini apalagi yang sabet mantan pacarnya. VERY DANGEROUS !


Jomblo Biru
Jomblo yang satu ini baru putus pacaran secara resmi (sama sama merestui) karena uda bosan atau jenuh dan lagi kosong. Ciri-cirinya : Wajah ceria seperti narapidana yang baru bebas, menikmati hidup dan menemukan kehidupannya kembali, sering terlihat hangout rame rame dan happy happy dan banyak lagi, kesimpulannya MERDEKA !


Jomblo Finale
Jomblo yang satu ini uda lagi dekat dekatnya dengan seseorang dan hampir melepas status kejombloannya. Ciri-cirinya : Setiap hari tidak terlepas dari cermin, make up, fashion update, bodycare, rajin rajin baca zodiak, sering senyum senyum sendiri kalo lagi baca SMS.


Jomblo Hunter
Jomblo yang ini menikmati kehidupan jomblonya dan sering sekali gonta ganti pasangan dan jomblo lagi, hunting lagi,
jomblo lagi, hunting lagi dan seterusnya…jomblo lagi…
Ciri-cirinya : Punya bakat selebriti, PD abis, daya tarik yang luar biasa, terlihat sering tebar pesona sana sini dan makanan sehari hari : add friend di Friendster.


Jomblo Impossible
Khusus cowok, yang ini berstatus jomblo karena yang ditaksirnya adalah seseorang yang tidak mungkin didekati lagi, seperti selebriti selebriti (Britney, JLo, Maskot Kensington), istri tetangga, pacarnya konglomerat, istri simpanan bos, dll Ciri-cirinya : Selalu tampil keren 24 jam sehari 7 hari seminggu, kalo berbicara seperti aktor dan merasa dirinya Tom Cruise.


Jomblo Forever
Khusus cewek, yang ini berstatus jomblo karena menunggu dan berharap bisa menikahi pria idaman seperti :Andy lau,Jang Dong Gun,Brad Pitt. Ciri-cirinya : Terlihat menempel foto, poster idolanya dimana mana, dikamar tidur, kamar mandi, buku tulis, wallpaper handphone dan dalam dompetnya. Dalam doanya : Jadikanlah aku cinderela dan Jang Dong Gun Pangerannya.


Jomblo Error
Jomblo ini belum pernah bisa sukses pacaran karena asal nembak seseorang gagal terus, nembak yang lain ditolak terus dan selalu naksir seseorang yang sudah ada yang punya. Kacihan deh loe. Ciri-cirinya : Selalu keliatan berapi api, bernafsu, kalo kenalan langsung tawarin tunangan besoknya langsung ngajak merried. Kata kata pertama sewaktu kenalan : “Hi, kenalan nama gue…, married yuk!”

Merokok Aman!!!

Pada zaman dahulu kala, ada tiga orang dokter. Mereka selalu bersama kemana saja mereka pergi. Tapi ketiga-tiganya memiliki kegemaran berlainan.
- dr. Ali (suka main perempuan)
- dr. Benu (suka minuman keras)
- dr. Cono (suka segala jenis rokok)

Suatu hari ketiga sahabat ini berjalan jalan tanpa tujuan. Tiba-tiba ketiganya bertemu dengan sebuah ketel/kendi (seperti cerita Aladin). Lalu salah seorang mengambilnya lalu menggosok-gosok ketel tersebut. Sejurus kemudian asap keluar dari corong ketel tersebut dan secara perlahan berganti menjadi satu makluk yang menyeramkan yakni sesosok jin yang ganas. Lalu jin tersebut tertawa: "Ha ha ha..." dan berkata, "Akulah Jin Ifrit!"Karena kamu telah membebaskan aku dari ketel itu maka aku akan tunaikan apa saja permintaan kamu sekalian. Ketiga sahabat yang pada mulanya panik dan takut menjadi gembira lalu termenung dan berpikir tentang peluang dan kemauan masing-masing yang mungkin hanya sekali mereka jumpai dalam hidup mereka. Lalu mereka memilih kemauan mengikuti kegemaran masing-masing.

Berkatalah Ali, "Aku mau perempuan-perempuan muda dari berbagai bangsa di seluruh dunia dan letakkan dalam sebuah gua tertutup dan jangan ganggu aku selama 10 tahun."Pufff ........!dengan sekejap mata jin itu menyempurnakan permintaan Ali.

Berkata Beno, "Aku mau semua jenis arak dari seluruh dunia untuk bekal selama sepuluh tahun dan letakkan dalam sebuah gua tertutup dan jangan ganggu aku selama 10 tahun."Pufff ........!dengan sekejap mata jin itu menyempurnakan permintaan Benu.

Berkata pula Cono, "Aku mau semua jenis rokok dari seluruh dunia untuk bekal selama sepuluh tahun dan letakkan dalam sebuah gua tertutup dan jangan ganggu aku selama 10 tahun."Pufff ........!dengan sekejap mata jin itu menyempurnakan permintaan Cono.

Setelah genap 10 tahun, maka jin tersebut muncul kembali untuk membuka pintu gua masing-masing sebagaimana yang dijanjikan. Maka jin tersebut pergi membuka pintu gua si Ali, ketika dibuka maka keluarlah si Ali dengan keadaan kurus kering, berdiri pun tidak bisa karena tidak sanggup untuk menggerakkan lutut sebab hari-hari hanya memuaskan nafsu dengan perempuan.Tiba-tiba si Ali pun jatuh ke tanah lalu mati !!

Setelah itu jin tersebut pergi ke gua si Benu, ketika pintu dibuka maka keluarlah si Benu dengan perut yang sangat buncit karena hari-hari mabuk-mabukan. Jalan pun terhuyung-huyung.Tiba-tiba si Benu pun jatuh ketanah lalu mati !!

Setelah itu jin pergi ke gua si Cono dan membuka pintu gua. Tiba2 si Cono keluar dalam keadaan sehat walafiat dan terus MENAMPAR si jin. Sambil memaki si jin ia berkata: "JIN GUOBLUOOOKK ....!!! KOREKNYA MANA .. ??"*